The Gap…..

Yeah!!Yeah!!! It’s been a while, in fact a year passed :-). When I looked at the post date of my last scribble it was almost 5 months. My first story was also abandoned in its culmination. Reasons are many , some of the reason could be considered for my unavailability and some could be just ignored as they are meaningless and not even worth talking about. My excuse for THE GAP could be said as “My life subjected to sporadic meaningful/meaningless events” . Meaningful?????? Aye…everything in my life is not meaningless , come on!!! I have something meaningful happening also, don’t believe me?? Well it would be better if I support it with some facts. Meaning…like…hmmm..like..yeh let me think…oh it really need a brain storming session. Forget it!!!! I’ll put it when I recall something , actually there are so many meaningful things happening that’s it difficult to remember them.
I know my pretension would be hard to digest but anyways HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone and yes I have completed the story(job done).

Past few months were profuse work , I know it’s hard to digest in IT industry but it was .Working on new release fixing bugs of previous release, giving everything to meet the deadline, finally completing it on time , so much effort put in on same salary- yes my appraisal is due for past few months and no sign of getting one in future. So slogging without hike, my statement “Main Sirf paise ke liye kaam karta hun” underwent a complete change to “Main ab sirf job bachane ke liye kaam karta hun”.

Ya, the market scenario is pathetic , on bench people getting fired , all company reducing their work strength, increasing the working hours, stopping the hikes, cutting the present salary by some percentage. The highlighting part of the Market down was the Lehmann debacle, when that happened every one panicked , rumors started floating about various other banks going bankrupt and financial consulting firms closing down. The government pitched in to soothe the people , telling India’s economy is safe and all the banks are in better situation. When people started easing out and breathing in relief- SATYAM crashed and left a black mark on India’s IT industry. There’s panic everywhere in the IT circle , no one is certain of what’s going to happen , no marriage proposal for Software Engineer, parents looking for other options for their girls. Well I’m concerned about this more because I’m planning to get married (I’m one selfish guy, always cribbing…forget it ). Now marriage can be put in the meaningful bucket. What say??? :-)

Above all there are these group of peoples making our life more miserable , bombing different parts of India , killing innocent people . The Mumbai incident was the worst among all , It was horrifying and tragic. Where the hell has our security gone, they came in from anywhere got in anywhere and killed anyone. Salute to the brave Indian army for rescuing us, the whole nation cried and moaned while they stood tall and assured us that we are still safe. The news channels fought for the coverage while the uniform people fought, they even gave it a new name 26/11. Come on people at least this was not to be compared with Videsh. The country and the citizen are indebted to all those who cooperated in the mission and to all those heroes who lost their lives. The dead count may not be huge but the faith and pride loss is huge.

Here I’m back again after few more days, went on a break again, this new release and work is driving me nuts, it’s only because of recession that I’m hanging otherwise mail and god knows what after that. I just keep on cribbing, all because of my dreams they leave me breathless.

Any ways coming back to complete this post , thanks to one heck of a sporty weekend and my courage to ignore some work on weekends :-). But yeah I was tired needed a break , and it couldn’t get better than watching the 2 best tennis player fight it out for another Grand Slam. Nadal has really gone inside the head of Roger. He had to play him mentally as well as physically. Nadal eluding Roger again to equal Pete. Well, I think this French open may have something for Roger fans, for me I just sit and enjoy their display of skill, neutral I’m.
Aussie dethroned by SA and they lost 2day also :) India still winning , Messi still scoring , EPL getting real exciting ,these are the things which keeps me going.
Yes music and movies too. Movies have been real disaster and waste of money, come on it’s recession every penny may count :-). All the movies I watched in last few months have given me big time headache. So I have gone selective now, waiting for DEV D ,presently the only movie in my list for coming months.

The music of DEV D is awesome, when I first heard , I thought it was a typical T-Series collection ‘HITS Of 2008’ which they release at the end of every year. A mix bag, EA(emosonal attyachaar), EA rock version, Nayan Tarse, Mahi Mennu and Pardesi tracks are exceptional, when I started repeating the album I started liking other songs, presently Saali Khushi and Paayaliya are my personal favs.
Movies were so bad that I switched on to American serials, earnestly speaking Prison Break and Heroes are must watch. Do watch it, torrents are easily available and have a fantastic seeding.

I completely forgot, now one could make out that I really need a break, the work has completely wiped out the best days of my life, which I lived in last few months. I had Goa trips, trip(s) --oh yes not once , in two months two times. :-)

Time to wrap up, mail checking time..ya ya official mails and there’s football also -Liverpool VS Chelsea.
Got to gather myself also, get mentally prepared na na not for the match , it’s for Monday. I hate MONDAY.
One more thing, for Rock Fans Iron Maiden is on , 15th Feb Bangalore , tickets available at DNA website. That would be one rocking night, missed the first time, this time ..will ROCK :-)
Enjoy the new year and this season "Try Not Falling In love". :-)

(.......)

Again chain of sleepless night, don’t know what’s happening? Watching movies, checking mails, chatting,listening songs, reading, and surfing - these activities have become a regular night curriculum from few days. Well this is not the first time it’s happening but generally this phase gets over pretty soon but this time it’s getting prolonged.

Present state – restless nights, day dreaming, deep thoughts.
Trying to find out what mind, heart, soul, body wants???

Job- when there was no work, was longing for one.
Now when work is there, don’t feel like working.

Want my student life back.
Tension free
Enjoy every day.
Live life to the fullest.

“Mama take this job from me
I can't work anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door”

Probably i need a long vacation
go somewhere..enjoy , think, relax
take a break from routine.

Trying to run away from (……). Don’t know what?
Trying to run towards (……). Don’t know what?

Trying to find out the hidden depths,
Trying to ease the pain,
Trying to sleep

Can say I have become comfortably numb.

PS: This piece was written few days back, was planning to post the day when I would be out of this phase. It happened and now I can sleep.

Life has been fast and unpredictable in last few days.In the End -- Californication

Away from Blogging – b’coz of last few days in fact few months, courtesy Life. Some one said “Life is a perfect example of Life itself”. Unfolding few of the pages- don’t remember the dates can say I’m not “Subodh” or occurrence of events were so fast that dates could not find a slot in mind.

Tired from the clichéd and useless work which even a 10^th grade can do – People tag it as Job Satisfaction having true or false as value but for me it was null. So decided to appear for Interviews- that phase was fulsome, in some of the face to face discussion I thought of either hitting the person on the other side of the table or to be on the polite side just get up from the seat and walk out of the room. After having gulped down lot of these I was finally selected in one and they were ready to offer me. Was very exited , came back home prepared the resignation mail and was all set to send it. Friends they are God in these conditions they stopped me, Blessed advice “Jab tak offer hath me na aa jaye Resign nai karne ka”. I did so n c Till date I didn’t get any offers from them. They rejected me on salary issues even though I mentioned in the ECTC- Negotiable. Lucky Escape!!.

Not that lucky though .Was thrown out from the project or can say from my client – Company facing financial problems resulting to downsizing. So from the luxury of having 2 jobs in hand I was reduced to none -left in shocked state and in dismay. For the first time in my IT career I was on bench and was feeling the prick, many people were thrown out , so it was tough for the HR people to get all of them placed. The Scenario was looking horrible and the chances of it getting worse were brighter. Few days from then was scheduled for a client interview – was so nervous that I screwed it up. The result was put on hold and was entitled for another round. That another round was to happen anytime basically I would be informed about it few hours or a day before. Cancelled my Megadeth show b’coz of this.

Finally had an interview and was selected, then came the news that guys selected for the project would be traveling (ONSITE) and since I was selected late for that project so till then I didn’t have the client approval to travel. 50-50 chance. Happiness came along with toppings of sadness. My head was swimming as I returned back home from office—thinking so much happened in a day- Selected for a project- Work is good- Missed onsite – May have a chance of traveling in future. That Life’s - it’s ambages has taken me everywhere and left me nowhere.

Sipping the tea and adding fumes of cigarette to the pollution thinking “Ab kya goga”, got a call from unknown number, Credit Card / Personal loan / Home loan .. hmm.. U people are gone today “Maa behan se kaam me baat nai hoga aaj”--- as I picked up the call full prepared to have a go at them “U r Traveling, bring u r passport tmrw to office” – It was my HR. O o oh .. Man I was happy called up my Parents, my friends and every one close to me..Gosh!! they were happy too.

Gave the Passport Xerox the next day, started filling the Visa , got the Visa interview dates . It took me 2 days to arrange for the Visa documents and some of the documents required were missing also. Finally got everything ready and gather as many tips required for Visa interview from people who has been thru this. My office friends told me not to go in a particular counter as the Lady there is strict and rejects VISA also and mine was scheduled in that particular counter only. I was full nervous but anyways I got my stamping. J. Before i could realize anything dates were fixed ,tickets were booked . It all happened so fast that it's sometimes hard to believe. It’s business trip so duration is very small but it’s fine for me I’m happy.

Finally I’m traveling today nite to CALIFORNIA. But as u say “Jab tak Videsh nai paunch jao tab tak tum India me hee ho”….. So guys wait for the next update. Hopefully I’ll write the next post from US.

Now time to update the City/State in orkut and photos too.....

The Fear brings an iota of Relieve

Fear Fear… it’s good my friend.. that will set u r moderate life style afire. If you don’t fear anything u r nothing. Fear fuels u up to go beyond u r limits and perform miracles in your field which would never have been possible under normal circumstances. Fear of failing in exams pumps me up to give an extra hour form my precious sleep to study, but for my friends it was the fear of not getting distinction that keeps them awake all night . Fear nourishes u irrespective of the environment u dwell in. Fear in life should not be taken as a punishment or a force which pulls u down but it should be taken as a challenge to blossom.
The very reason I’m venting this into words is b’coz I’m living in a constant fear of ruining my career in present Work Place, the fear of losing whatever I know in coding , the logic, the creative part in me, the fear of killing the baby programmer in me which is destined to be a man in future. Now this Fear comes as a relieve to me, a blessing in disguise which prompts me too look for a new and a better WP. It won’t allow me to sit idle until it has done its part. People have all sort of fears , fear of getting hit while crossing a road makes u extra careful when doing so, fear of u r credit card bill crossing u r monthly salary keeps a check in u r love for shopping n partying. Fear of getting married.. that’s the big one “Baap of all Fears” which is presently haunting most of my friends who don’t want to get married and fear of not getting a proper bride which troubles some of my friends who wants to get married .With marriage is attached the fear of not getting a proper value in the market(Dowry) in case of arranged marriage and for lovers is the fear of getting married with family consent. The IT market as the pundits says is on slow down and will face lot’s of downsizing and less iteration hike as compared to its history- provoke each and every IT professional to give more than 100% in their work and stick to the same company as of for now.
Today is the V day— ‘Lovers Days’ – Ladka-Ladki will meet an enjoy the day with a terse of fear in everyone ,how long will this relationship last? will it go the final stage ‘Marriage’ and some will have the fear that by next V day will they be with the same partner . In both the cases fear acts as a catalyst to help them achieve what they desire for the next V day—new partner or marry the present V day partner. :). So peoples take this fear as source of inspiration to move forward rather than taking it as a obstacle in u r life. Happy Valentine’s Day to one and all.. have rocking n loving evening. And for peoples with no partner .. all d best to have one in near future and hope by next Valentine u find one. Keep Fearing.

Scribble

This piece may appear to readers as a manuscript written by Franz Kafka , but no my writing is not that lucrative and meaningful as his. I’m writing this b’coz it’s been long since I wrote something, reason may be many- Office work had carved out the creative part from me although the percentage was less, late night slogging , waking up late in the morning b’coz of this chilling weather , spending the rest of the time playing HITMAN after returning from office, depressed by the New Year celebration ,o oh –no celebration, planned few things for the eve but all crumbling down at last moment , no one to blame – it was fate which eluded GOA trip from us. SO THOUGHT OF SCRIBBLING LESS OF SENSE AND MORE OF NONSENSE WHICH PRESENTLY HAS A HOLD ON ME.

Planning to go home Feb end, but sill leave not applied , tickets not booked, delaying it, mapping it to the next day -every day, but that next day never comes- god knows why? I know the result of it, will book the tickets the day when the price will be very high.. that’s how I am.. and then crib over it. Need to change Work-Place but not able to study , so that’s also on a hold, wake up in the morning fondled whole night by the dreams, which gives me hope and after opening my eyes I brutally kill those hopes with my own monstrous hand. I wanted to buy a car, everything was planned but that’s also put on hold b’coz of some vicarious reasons.

Idle time, I’m all lost in contemplations – happy ones though, thinking of having this –that and off course if I had that also then it would make my life wonderful, planning of doing this for career perspective, doing that for health perspective, planning of doing something which would end my long season of sleeping wid books and waking up alone in the morning. Today is my Result day – although I know my stand before hand but still hope is there, that the people may do some mishap n I may get good result—Height of optimism. I’m nervous too, don’t know why.. probably after 2 long years , I would get judged on all India basis.

Enough of it—I guess otherwise this will turn into loads of crap :-), and I’m hungry too so going for lunch, can’t ask my friends to wait for a little more time.

Happy New Year to everyone. Hope this year everyone gets their dreams fulfilled even not all of it but at least some part .

GBU!!!!

Tired of being Sorry....

This is the line and title of a famous song from Enrigue …..

SORRY …well this is a eraser which erases all u r mistakes or one can say try to put a cover on u r deeds(usually BAD) or blurs the very look of u r so called unsocial activities….. This is the most frequently and widely used English word. Irrespective of any language u speak thru out the world …..if u want to apologize to any one…U will use this Word “SORRY”….. I don’t know who invented it or how this word came in contact with the Human Beings…well that’s history..but they have started misusing it.

When we were kids if we did a mistake, we were quick on the apology act ..then Sorry was a involuntary stimulus response, Something inside us provoked us to utters those words, might be our un-maligned soul which was covered by loads of humanity at that AGE.But now we have traces of them left in us. Imagine of a scenario in present …How many times a day you utter those words..but u never mean when u say “Sorry”. U make an apologize to the Manager of not completing the work on time/coming to office at irregular timings..and many more reason which u face day to life.. But u never mean them as those things are repeated ever n ever ..and finally the Manager will feel Sorry that why he even Questioned u on any issue ..as his concerns never raised an alarm for u but what it brought from u was nothing more than “Sorry”…
AAhhh..u collided with a beautiful gal (may be mistake/may be deliberate) and u say sorry..But u inside know that u r not ….in spite u loved it… and will hope for it’s happening again..We apologize to our friends for not calling him, not turning up for the get-together, late B’day wishes, and the list goes on….
There are very rare occasion when we really mean them…most of the time we want to get out of it by saying the Golden word “Sorry”.

I know many of u may not agree with me..but search u r self and find the truth , u will come to a conclusion ,then decide on this. U cannot ignore the fact that the word u utter the most in u r life time …mean nothing to u. Hello, Hi ,Thank u, Sorry this are facets of what u speak.

If u want to say Sorry to anyone than say it to u r self ..and Mean that..b’coz u r the only one who is not doing justice to this word.. Okie let me put it this way… “Say Sorry to Sorry “ for misusing it for so many years..

Hey Guys I’m not authoritative on this…this is just what I felt about it …”Sorry if I have hurt someone's Emotion, thoughts or feelings”. :) . I mean it...well now u r thinking??