Eternal Love (III)- The Rain

The thunders and the loud roars of the cloud woke him up. Sonal was fast sleep and the windows were trying desperately to hamper her sleep. He unfolds himself from her hold, got out of the blanket and extended it to her neck. Gazed at her face, she looks even more beautiful to him. It always kind of happens to Rohan every time Sonal looks him prettier than before. It’s just like the Bollywood actor “with age their charisma grows”. The windows and the doors where making too much of noise, so he got up from the bed with his eyes still glued to her face. Closed the windows and then walked towards the balcony.

Pune is completely different during rains, the only thing she liked about the city. Otherwise Sonal still misses Delhi; she loved every thing about Delhi and was very depressed when they decided to move here. It was still drizzling and the wind was strong, Rohan went out in the balcony just to feel what she liked so much about the rain. The first drop of water on his body took him 2 years back from then where he was forced to get wet in the rain by Sonal.

………………………………….turning the pages

Rohan was standing outside the Disco waiting for the rain to stop, thinking it was an awful night for him. First wasting hours on that gal and result no name, no phone number and above all this rain. Even the gal with whom he wasted so much of time was not his target, desperation creeps into him. Shivering because of the wind and the thought of going back fully drenched in rain- pneumonia, fever, cold, body aches , the very thought of these made him sick. Suddenly the process was blocked by a girl voice from back - Hi. He turned back to find the same gal.

Rohan: ehhh, not you again.
Sonal: Left early and still standing here.
Rohan: Waiting for the rain to stop.
Sonal: I wish, it never stops, I love rain.
Rohan: I hate rain.
Sonal: So were you able to figure out my name.
Rohan: Not interested.
Sonal: In what my name or me or my body which you have scanned many a time.
Rohan figured it out that another hour will go just like this and nothing will come out of it, so it’s better to accept the defeat and let her win. She would be happy and will let him go. Sonal!!
Rohan: What?
Sonal: My name…idiot.
Rohan: He tried to conceal his smile. Rohan
Sonal: So Rohan, you look cool when smiling and look cute when trying to hide one.
Rohan: He started laughing.
Sonal: That too much of… now you look roudy.
Rohan: Controlling his laughter, Shut Up.
By that time Rohan had figured out that this girl is master in handling boys, he knows when to prick them and when to soothe them, a complete bitch- plays with the guy’s emotions, drag him to edge, kick him and rest his history. There must be something in a gal to defy all his tricks.

Sonal: So now what?
Rohan: Means??
Sonal: You don’t want my number.
Rohan: Off course I want.
Sonal: Then walk me to the auto stand and she came out amidst the road.
Rohan: No way… I’m going that path, not at all falling for this.
By the time she had already started walking, her friends were little ahead than her. So she started running and swaying in the rain enjoying every bit and probably not letting any rain drops hits the ground without touching her body.
Completely soaked in rain, she was calling for him; it was then that Rohan realized that not only she has a good body and sexy looks; there’s also has a child within her. Bad Idea he thought but he ran towards her, leaving himself totally at the mercy of rain, every drop was like 100 watt electricity. She laughed looking at him, he feels like the biggest idiot in the world, standing in front of her with all humbleness and she making a mock of him. She grabbed his hand and brushed his hair, this was much stronger shot than the rain drops, It was not the first time that a person from opposite sex touched him, but it was different. He thought probably it may be the rain. The auto stand was not that far, it was 1 km from the disco. He was looking at her while she was babbling non-stop, half way through he already knew everything about her, the likes, dislikes and all the blah blah.. but what his ears wanted to hear was not coming out of her mouth- the number. He surely loves the way she talks, making different expressions with different topics, his eyes were glued to her lips and eyes, even the rain drops also loved it, not ready to leave the lips until the next drop forces, as if every drop wanted to kiss her.

Sonal: hellooo…
Rohan: yes yes.
Sonal: Stop staring and tell me something about yourself.
He hated this part, lucky for him they reached the auto stand, her friends were already waiting for her. He looked at her and she said Thanks with a lower voice, then went and sat in the auto.
Now he looked a complete idiot- he tried to ask her, where the fuck is your number? But something stopped, he stood there with his hand in the air and head down watching the water stream flowing under him, and asking him the same question which he himself was asking – Idiot what are you doing here? Move out of the way.

Idiot!! Now everyone was calling him that, he raised his head to figure out who, It was Sonal.
Sonal: Idiot – take my number otherwise how would you tell me about yourself.
Rohan: oh yes, I completely forgot.
Sonal: is it??

He realized that he wasn’t a complete IDIOT.
After exchanging the numbers she went back to the auto, Now both his head and hand were up and he was waving at her, then suddenly the auto stopped and she came running into him, kissed him on the lips and then started running towards the auto, shouting “This was for giving company in the rain”.
Now he realized that he was not at all an IDIOT and started feeling the rain, he took another auto for his room. Her images still lingered in his eyes and her voice echoed in his ears. “ Is this love “ … na na na.. He thought that once he dates her he will try celebrating it in a diff way not the usual bike…….
Bike!! He shouted at the top of his voice and the auto wala said no bike only auto.

Rohan: Shut up and take me to the stand from where you picked me, there is a disco near that stand take me there.
In this whole scene he completely forgets that he has a bike which may be now laying in the disco stand, waiting for his master. What an idiot , he gave the auto wala the fair and ran into the stand and was happy to see his bike still there . He touched it, removed the water from the seat and then started it.

Now , “Is this love” idiot “this is loss of memory go see a doctor’. Then he drove back home.

Few days past he was still in the dilemma “Call Don’t Call”, he was dawdling with this from last 2 days. Sometimes when he picks up to call, the thought of her not calling first stops him. He was not able to sleep after that rainy night not because of her but fever, cold and when temp was low her thought's too . One fine morning he picks up and dialed her up as he cannot see himself in this distress any further.

Rohan: Hello, how are you?
Sonal: Hi, I’m fine! Who are u?
Taken aback she doesn’t have my number stored, but she stored -in front of me that night, she deleted it as I was late in calling, or she never stored it.

Sonal: Hello…
Rohan: Hey It’s Rohan, Rohan Bakshi
Sonal: Which Rohan, I don’t know any one by that name. Sorry Wrong number.
Rohan: I met you in Dis……
She hung up, it took some time for Rohan to realize what happened and when he realized that, his Nokia 2200 was flying in the air to meet its inevitable – The Wall.

to be contd........

Eternal Love (II)- The Encounter

Almost 2 years after the disco night….
It was raining heavily since last 2 days, the windows and the doors were left open as Sonal loved the touch of cold moisten wind during the rains on her body. She certainly loves the rain and he definitely hates the rain. He couldn’t even hear the commentary properly because of the rain drops hitting the balcony and the winds splashing the window’s panes. Even when he tries to concentrate a bit more the clouds ruin it, making sounds even deaf can hear. He was totally pissed of and she was enjoying the rain lying next to him.

Sonal: Do you love me?
Rohan: What?
Sonal: Perfect answer you won a date with Bipasha.
There goes a slap on the back not forceful but certainly enough to divert Rohan’s attention from the football match going on the TV.

Sonal: I’m lying almost half naked next to you and you are seeing the guys running all around in shorts. Your sexual feelings are alright na or something happening inside you.?
Rohan: no no…Sorry

Holding her hand and bringing close to his lips he told ‘off course I love you’.

Sonal: Then what so interesting on TV?
Rohan: It was just that Args are loosing.. oh ok forget it. Tell.
Sonal: What can you do for me?
Rohan: Oh you want to play Bollywood – Bollywood? “Jaan de sakta hun”.
Sonal: Crap ..That I can take anytime, you are at my mercy and she extended her head and kissed him on the cheeks.
Rohan: oh oh.. “Bribe”.. tell?
She started smiling, and said that she wanted to date Tom Cruise.

Rohan: What?
Sonal: Again wot?? You don’t remember?
Rohan: I do remember your dream of dating the smartest guy in the world ?
Sonal: Yes correct, After all these years I have decided that lucky guy would be ‘Tom Cruise’, although he had some tough competition from Jackie Chan.
Rohan: Jackie.. Jackie Dada.. ha ha ha ha…
Sonal: Shut up. So please do something, I want to date him.
Rohan: Yup, one of my frnd has his number , I’ll call him and will arrange a matin…meeting. Trying to control his laughter.
Sonal: Good, I must start preparing for the date from now only. The dresses, the makeup, the jokes, the cond…
Rohan broke into laughter, and after few beating and slang’s by Sonal he calmed down.

Rohan: Ok . Do you remember the Disco night when we first met?
Sonal: Off course, who can forget the worst day of my life, which ruined everything.
Rohan: Worst day of your life?? Worst day of my life, I left so many girls just for you.
Sonal: Hmm!! Who is stopping you? Go your are free.
Her eyes moisten, before she starts crying, Rohan kissed her on the lips passionately, and she threw his head away saying- “enough enough” and started smiling.

Rohan: I love you.
Sonal: I know, so what were you saying about that night?
Rohan: Actually, at that night I was trying to coax one of your friends.
Sonal: Oh gr8, and now you’re telling me. Who was she? Ritu, Geeta, Rashmi, Sheetal
Rohan: Sheetal.
Sonal: Pathetic -your choice is just like you.
Rohan: Jealous!! Okies listen, actually I tried to go through the old funda “Pehle dost and then the friend”. So the net was spread for her, with you as bait but you turned out to be the prey. Never ready to leave the net for other fishes. You ruined that night for me.

This time she was not angry rather they both started laughing

Sonal: Sheetal !!! She is still unmarried and single, you want me to talk to her. Ha ha ha!! Take your time she will always remain single until her father find some one for her. You are one sleazy idiot.
Rohan: Yup I know.
Sonal: Do you really want me talk to her.
Rohan: No no. I love you.
Sonal trying to be a sycophant said Rohan lets trade her for Tom Cruise.

Rohan: You can have Tom Cruise, I don’t need any girl b’coz I have a beautiful, sexy, adorable wife.
Sonal: Even I also have a smart, sweet, loving hubby so I also don’t need Tommy; u can scum that desire of mine.
Rohan: Good.
Sonal: For time being.

They started laughing, the ambiance changed once his eyes met hers, it was love all over them, they kissed and hugged each other, and he lay next to her embracing her tightly, with his eyes dampened.


to be contd......

Eternal Love (I)- The Intro....

50–60-70– 80-90-100 there it goes -it was one of the fewest occasion his Pulsar crossed the 100 mark barrier on the Delhi-Noida high way.“Bakshi slow down” his friend sitting at the back was shouting at the top of his voice but nothing could deter him now, as this was his way of celebrating.

Celebration – yup this was his exotic way of celebrating a unique accomplishment. Well this celebration was not for coming 1^st in class or cracking the prestigious IIT exams or any medical Entrance or any other normal events which triggers any kind of celebration. It was something special – a kind of accomplishment in which lies his vanity -that was dating gals and then pinning them down. The crown ‘Casanova’ was bestowed upon him by his friends and some of his admirers also tagged him as real time SRK. Well this celebration was for another girl falling for his charisma.

Mr Rohan Bakshi was not the same person initially when he landed in Delhi, he did his 10^th and 12^th from a small school in a small town in Chhattisgarh. Typical youth coming to Delhi for coaching so that he may get through any good Engineering college priority being IIT. His friend use to tell him that he landed on wrong side of the country, he should be in Mumbai pursuing a career in Bollywood or modeling rather slogging for engineering. He used to ignore them and some time will burst laughing on their marks. He was talented, a very good singer, a very good story teller, a good mimic, had loads of jokes in his stocks which could please any one in this world.

The first year of his struggle was in vain, he couldn’t crack IIT and because of his confidence, he didn’t even sit for other Exams. He felt bad asking his parents to support him for the second time preparation. This guilt and need for financial assistance brought him to Call centre job. He found everything related with the job very luring and soothing- night job, good money, hot- broad minded gals, minimum qualification for the post and above all he will get time in morning for his classes and studies. This job changed many things for him, his Enng preparation took a sudden break , he started liking gals, all the parties and outing which he had with his colleagues changed his perception towards gals . Now he knows how to handle them and what pleases them, he has become the master in the act of dating gals and then sleeping with them. Nothing in his life now was more important than gals. Before he could realize he has already developed some kind of addiction for girls, he would do anything just to have the company of gal -in short he was the “Ranjith of bollywood “ only difference was that he won’t indulge in any kind of sinful activity, he believed in everything happening with mutual understanding-no force.

All the gals he dated ,with none he was emotionally attached nor did he love anyone. He never used to feel bad or guilty on breaking anyone’s heart; even he used to make marriage promises but in the end it doesn’t even matter. This has now become his life style and he loved every bit of it. Every day a new challenge. new gal , a new style for trapping her. None of his relationship lasted very long nor did it took him much time to date a new girl.

Everything was smooth in his life but somewhere a tornado was approaching him…..

She was a typical Delhi gal, she was in 12^th std but instead of concentrating on her career she dreamed of dating the smartest guy in the whole world, well her dream has no boundaries but facing the reality she decided to narrow it down to Delhi. She's the spoiled brat, use to watch movies-bunking the tuitions. Grabbing extra money from home for extra tuitions and using those money in beauty parlor and buying dresses, spending the time with other gals in the happening places of Delhi like disco, coffee joins and other places where you get the maximum possibility of picking up a hot dude. She used to do all the things which even guys would dare to do at that age …. That's Sonal Muteja.

Seeing the world in altogether different canvas, where everything is multi-dimensional filled with colors which have no meaning in itself but they are there because they need to be there. Never believed in love and hated those gals who believed in ‘Sex after marriage’ or those gals who believed in QSQT and DDLJ. Only thing she liked about DDLJ was Switzerland and SRK style of flirting. Rest all was crap for her. She believes in dumping the guy before he can even think of that. She totally and completely believes in one-night stand. First drag, first booze, first date, first night out, first BF, first dump she loved every bit of his life which was out of box and nothing normal in it.

Like Rohan, Sonal also has a unique reason to celebrate. Dumping his Boy Friend calls for a party she hits the discotheques with his frnd , and at home it will be another late night Birthday party at his friends place. Her friends use to say that she is very lucky to have such excuses work every time and she would retort –“ Luck favors the daring and the daring will get the best F*** of life”.
A gal every guy would want as a GF but dare to fall in love or have her as wife.

In one of the disco's she ran into him or can say he ran into her-come on....anyways they both ran into each other and they never new that this would have a huge impact on their lives..........

Sonal: Hi!
Rohan:Heloooo!
Rohan:Single?
Sonal: Nope.
Rohan: where is he??
Sonal: Don't worry , he won't kick you for talking with me.
Rohan: ha ha , No i was just concerned that i may not kick him , if he doesn't allow me to talk with you .

She smiled and then both of them hit the dance floor.....

To be contd......

Choose Life

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Choose life.
Choose a job.
Choose a career.
Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television,
Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers.
Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments.
Choose a starter home.
Choose your friends.
Choose leisure wear and matching luggage.
Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.
Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?

I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you've got a fucking IT JOB which pays you hell lot of money?

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From long I needed some kind of break (Vacation)- probably to settle few days on the jungles of Himalaya , to visualize the simmering promises and images that I see glittering in the sky , to solve the mysteriously written life by god and to some extent by me. Then I realized that with my untended intellect had to lean on the crutch of faith to negotiate the inscrutability of life.

Could not have defined it better than the above short poem by John in Trainspotting .



PS:courtesy Trainspotting - John Hodge . If one is not getting the feel of this poem then plz do watch the Movie at least initial 20 minutes.

Sporty weekend -hangover – Jaane Tu …ya jane na.

Loads happened last weekend, full drunk on Friday night, had debates with friends that ‘adjustment’ and ‘compromise’ are same. One of my roomie missed the chances of going onsite b’coz of some idiotic and ‘F’ reason. So alcohol was the only thing with anodyne properties in this abrupt situation which can soothe him, well chicken would also have done the trick but we choose Whiskey. Oh yes we tried to encourage him but even our empathy were not sufficient to calm him down – the drinks did it and after gulping down few pegs he snored heavily. “Rest for the disjunct soul”. I was the last one to entertain the guests, but finally I also gave up on the crap discussion and retired to my room, leaving others to carry on.

It would be unfair if I don’t mention the 'friends' that were missed that nite, Guys partying seems to be boring without u ppl.

Woke up on Saturday morning with the worst hangover ever I guess, well every time I had the same feeling that it is worse than the previous hangover. Promises ‘no to drinks’ then changing the promise again to ‘less drink’. Head ache, body pain and above all had to go for Jane Tu..ya jane na – scheduled at fun cinemas 10 km from my flat at 12.30 afternoon.

Huge expectation from the movie but the movie was a result of mix bag of the previous movies like ‘Chalte Chalte’ , ‘Tujhe Meri Kasam’ and to some extend ‘Socha na Tha’. Actually we thought that it would be a college flick, but it turned out to be friendship – romantic movie. Imran was good – perfect launch pad for him and he may not be as good as Aamir/Hrithik (in their 1st mv) but he is much better than lot of other kiddo (new comer) in the block. The music is nice, the comic part is kool, Rathna Pathak is incredible, there is some slow n boring patches in the middle part of the movie but still worth watching.

Came back from the Theatre, saw the pole position for the Sunday race (British Grand Prix), it was unusual. It was Heikki Kovalainen for the first time in his career taking the pole position. Watched another clash between the ‘Williams’ sisters in the Wimbeldon final the ‘big sis’ proving better for the ‘lil sis’, winning the title for consecutive time.

Slept well and early Saturday night, woke up early Sunday morning, finished the office work quickly knowing that the afternoon would be sporty hectic.
Asia cup final – India loosing miserably to Sri Lanka thanks to their new star Mendis. No more writing on this, it will unleash my wrath at BCCI.
F1 - Lewis Hamilton wins his home race, the final championship standing with 9 races left is amazingly well balanced.

1. Lewis Hamilton- British- McLaren-Mercedes -48

2. Felipe Massa - Brazilian- Ferrari - 48

3. Kimi Räikkönen - Finnish- Ferrari -48

4. Robert Kubica - Polish- BMW Sauber - 46

But….. The star of the Sunday Evening / Late night was Wimbledon Final, the clash of the titans, the clash of skill and determination, the clash of class and the youth, the clash of world no 1 and world no 2, the clash between the great Roger Federer and the improving Rafael Nadal. What a match it was , Roger hitting aces at crucial points, Nadal running like a rabbit on the baseline firing the ball in, Roger trying to hit winners but most of the time he found Nadal at the base line hitting the ball with his typical forehand spin shot or powering the ball with his two handed backhand. No match for Nadal in the first 2 sets, but Roger won’t go down so easily, took the 3^rd set to tie breaker and won it. Similar things happened in the follow up set but this time Nadal missed on many championship point and Roger again saved his run for the 6^th consecutive title to equal Bjorn Borg’s record for 6 straight Wimbledon titles.

Before the Match

For me I was supporting Nadal but wanted Federer to win, my friend sitting by myside question my such weirdo kind of desire but the bottom line was I don’t want any of them to loose.

All set for the 5^th and final set, deduce-advantage has now become the routine, with no player ready to allow the other to break. What more can you ask for a final, grueling display of skill, stamina and mental strength. Finally after four+ hrs (not including the 2 + hours of rain delay) epic battle ended , with Wimbeldon seeing a new holder of the cup- Rafael Nadal. He crumbled to the ground in jubilation and tears, did some trekking stuffs to meet his parents and family sitting in the stands.

Nadal won 6-4,6-4,6-7,6-7,9-7 becoming the only player after Bjorn Borg to win both Wimbledon and the French Open in the same year. This year is for Spain -another reason to celebrate after Torres sensational goal which helped them to win a major title in 44 years - Euro Cup '08.

After the Match - Perfect spirit displayed thru out the match and even after the match, both player complementing each other in their short speech.

Smoked the last drag – delighted by the fact that I was lucky to watch such a final and then off to bed.

The Rear Window

Mom: Why u bathing now?
I was silent, was getting late and didn’t want to start an argument with mom.

Me: Mom!! Get my jeans n that white round neck t-shirt out.
Mom: White t-shirt, no no.. it took me ½ hour to clean it, u ruin it every time u wear it.

Me: PLZ!!!
Mom: Ok! But u have to clean it, I’m not cleaning it.
Me: ok, no probs.

Came out , went straight to the mirror , to see how fair I was looking J. NA na .. not kool, applied “Fair n Lovely” , rotated my skull in all direction so that every part visible above my torso was covered. My friends were shouting in front of the house, “Hurry Up ”,We are getting late. Since half n hour I was telling them 5 minutes. But that won’t deter me to examine myself one more time. Hmmm… not bad, a little powder (Talcum) would make me perfect. All that time, mom was standing behind me and noticing everything. Finally she couldn’t resist.

Mom: What are you doing? u r not getting married today nor going to attend one. Then why so much of decoration n fuss!!
Me: Decoration!!!

No no.. clam down… no arguments .. already late. Will handle this “Decoration “adjective once back.

Mom: God!! What has happened to this Boy “Cricket khelne ke liye itna tyari kar raha hai and that too in colony, just in front of the house.”

Now here’s the background. A new neighbor has just moved in last week, just diagonal to my house, she was slim n fair (now u know why so much of prep for looking fair) with beautiful eyes n wicked smile, wicked- b’coz the first time our eyes met yesterday she gave me a wicked smile. Don’t know what was her relationship with the Uncle and Aunty ..who cares? May be Daughter may be not .

Yeah !! I was not in the best of shape that time… so what would one expect of a boy coming from 7 hours of torture at school and that too the day when he has GAME’S period in the last, shirt half in half out, one lace tied - other exploring the universe, tie pulled down to the belly, hair in a mess, bottle in one hand - rotating it at full speed.

This full preparation was to erase the impression she must have developed yesterday of me and to ensnare her. Got out of the house, with full swing of the hair, just like a hero making an entry in to the Movies for the 1^st time. Y this b’coz I had already seen her watching from the window. Thanks to my friends for giving me such publicity … they where shouting my name from half n hour. J

Frnd1: B****… kya kar raha tha be?

Taken a back…

Me: No slang today yaar.

They were shocked , b’coz first I didn’t greet them by my typical slang and above all king of slang is telling no to it..

Frnd2: What???? Are u okay.?
Me: Ya ya.. let’s start.

Was under-performing today ..no sixes no fours ..no wickets... We have rules while playing at colony. Although there were many but this one is important.

Rule: If a batsman hit the ball into someone’s garden, he is out and he has to get the ball also.

Now u can imagine why I was hitting no sixes n fours. This was the 4^th time I hit the ball in her garden, Previous 3 times I didn’t gather the courage to talk to her, this time no excuse b’coz it may be last as the Sun was setting down and I may not get another chance to bat. She was there in the window thru out our evening’s play, few time off, but most of the time glued to the seat, watching us play.

Me: Hi! U love cricket it seems?
She: Nope!! Not that much.
Me: Then also you watching us play!!
She: Hmmm..
Me: Pretending to find the ball, although I have already seen where it was laying.
She: It dropped there.
Me: Oh ok..here!!
She: no there.
Me: I was thinking that I should ask her to come out n help me. But…. That’s me ..
She: There it is just near your left leg.
Me: Oh here it is- Idiot. Picked up and started juggling it, So ..what’s u r name?
She: ****
Me: Ok which class ??
She: 9^th .
Me: B******.. wat ?? there it goes, every thing comes crumbling down.

She is older than me.. I was in 7^th std .. that too 2 years… That’s not fair. Now I need to call her “DIDI” henceforth; this is the way we were brought up in our society.

No No.. I won’t do that.
Me: oh great .. I’m also in 9^th.
Lie is the best and first step to approach a gal. I learned that by watching SRK movies J

Me: It’s getting dark, bye!!
She:bye!!

Well I started retracing my steps -disappointed. After few days she came to know that I was not in 9^th, when i reasoned it out y i lied it made her laugh.

We were friends now, mind you just friends. Then she went out of station for higher studies after her board Exams, few months in the starting we were in contact, then lost track.

Few days back MOM informed me that she got married few months back.

I know this is not the perfect ending but this is not a movie also .

(.......)

Again chain of sleepless night, don’t know what’s happening? Watching movies, checking mails, chatting,listening songs, reading, and surfing - these activities have become a regular night curriculum from few days. Well this is not the first time it’s happening but generally this phase gets over pretty soon but this time it’s getting prolonged.

Present state – restless nights, day dreaming, deep thoughts.
Trying to find out what mind, heart, soul, body wants???

Job- when there was no work, was longing for one.
Now when work is there, don’t feel like working.

Want my student life back.
Tension free
Enjoy every day.
Live life to the fullest.

“Mama take this job from me
I can't work anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door”

Probably i need a long vacation
go somewhere..enjoy , think, relax
take a break from routine.

Trying to run away from (……). Don’t know what?
Trying to run towards (……). Don’t know what?

Trying to find out the hidden depths,
Trying to ease the pain,
Trying to sleep

Can say I have become comfortably numb.

PS: This piece was written few days back, was planning to post the day when I would be out of this phase. It happened and now I can sleep.