The Rear Window

Mom: Why u bathing now?
I was silent, was getting late and didn’t want to start an argument with mom.

Me: Mom!! Get my jeans n that white round neck t-shirt out.
Mom: White t-shirt, no no.. it took me ½ hour to clean it, u ruin it every time u wear it.

Me: PLZ!!!
Mom: Ok! But u have to clean it, I’m not cleaning it.
Me: ok, no probs.

Came out , went straight to the mirror , to see how fair I was looking J. NA na .. not kool, applied “Fair n Lovely” , rotated my skull in all direction so that every part visible above my torso was covered. My friends were shouting in front of the house, “Hurry Up ”,We are getting late. Since half n hour I was telling them 5 minutes. But that won’t deter me to examine myself one more time. Hmmm… not bad, a little powder (Talcum) would make me perfect. All that time, mom was standing behind me and noticing everything. Finally she couldn’t resist.

Mom: What are you doing? u r not getting married today nor going to attend one. Then why so much of decoration n fuss!!
Me: Decoration!!!

No no.. clam down… no arguments .. already late. Will handle this “Decoration “adjective once back.

Mom: God!! What has happened to this Boy “Cricket khelne ke liye itna tyari kar raha hai and that too in colony, just in front of the house.”

Now here’s the background. A new neighbor has just moved in last week, just diagonal to my house, she was slim n fair (now u know why so much of prep for looking fair) with beautiful eyes n wicked smile, wicked- b’coz the first time our eyes met yesterday she gave me a wicked smile. Don’t know what was her relationship with the Uncle and Aunty ..who cares? May be Daughter may be not .

Yeah !! I was not in the best of shape that time… so what would one expect of a boy coming from 7 hours of torture at school and that too the day when he has GAME’S period in the last, shirt half in half out, one lace tied - other exploring the universe, tie pulled down to the belly, hair in a mess, bottle in one hand - rotating it at full speed.

This full preparation was to erase the impression she must have developed yesterday of me and to ensnare her. Got out of the house, with full swing of the hair, just like a hero making an entry in to the Movies for the 1^st time. Y this b’coz I had already seen her watching from the window. Thanks to my friends for giving me such publicity … they where shouting my name from half n hour. J

Frnd1: B****… kya kar raha tha be?

Taken a back…

Me: No slang today yaar.

They were shocked , b’coz first I didn’t greet them by my typical slang and above all king of slang is telling no to it..

Frnd2: What???? Are u okay.?
Me: Ya ya.. let’s start.

Was under-performing today ..no sixes no fours ..no wickets... We have rules while playing at colony. Although there were many but this one is important.

Rule: If a batsman hit the ball into someone’s garden, he is out and he has to get the ball also.

Now u can imagine why I was hitting no sixes n fours. This was the 4^th time I hit the ball in her garden, Previous 3 times I didn’t gather the courage to talk to her, this time no excuse b’coz it may be last as the Sun was setting down and I may not get another chance to bat. She was there in the window thru out our evening’s play, few time off, but most of the time glued to the seat, watching us play.

Me: Hi! U love cricket it seems?
She: Nope!! Not that much.
Me: Then also you watching us play!!
She: Hmmm..
Me: Pretending to find the ball, although I have already seen where it was laying.
She: It dropped there.
Me: Oh ok..here!!
She: no there.
Me: I was thinking that I should ask her to come out n help me. But…. That’s me ..
She: There it is just near your left leg.
Me: Oh here it is- Idiot. Picked up and started juggling it, So ..what’s u r name?
She: ****
Me: Ok which class ??
She: 9^th .
Me: B******.. wat ?? there it goes, every thing comes crumbling down.

She is older than me.. I was in 7^th std .. that too 2 years… That’s not fair. Now I need to call her “DIDI” henceforth; this is the way we were brought up in our society.

No No.. I won’t do that.
Me: oh great .. I’m also in 9^th.
Lie is the best and first step to approach a gal. I learned that by watching SRK movies J

Me: It’s getting dark, bye!!
She:bye!!

Well I started retracing my steps -disappointed. After few days she came to know that I was not in 9^th, when i reasoned it out y i lied it made her laugh.

We were friends now, mind you just friends. Then she went out of station for higher studies after her board Exams, few months in the starting we were in contact, then lost track.

Few days back MOM informed me that she got married few months back.

I know this is not the perfect ending but this is not a movie also .

Office after 10 day break!!!

10 in the morning ..Lift door opened ,greeted by the guard personnel, I signed the register, swiped the card and enter the office after 10 days of vacation. The office was decorated by Jingle bells and miniature Santa Clauses , oh it was a Christmas celebration –preparation. Feeling of anguish creped on me, as they had not decorated the office for Diwali - Dussera and here they r celebrating Christmas one month before . AAh!!! Am I in INDIA or somewhere in Atlantics??

As I entered the office premises, something irk me, everything around me was moving in Slow Motion – I guess I have entered into the room with a different time frame . Suddenly I felt that these ppl have grown 10 years older in 10 days or have I grown 10 years younger in these 10 days. Silence so profound which riveted me on analyzing others faces as to what had happened to them in these 10 days. Before going on leave they were chirpy block of Software Engineer and now they can be labeled as the “Mugwumps” . Expressionless faces, covered with stress, profuse archaic as if incarcerated . Oh god !!! Help me I think I have entered into the place of UNDEAD, Help Me PLZ…!!! .

Each n Every ppl appear to me a Ghost-Daemon all specialized in different tactics , tricks and posses power to turn the “New one into One of them” . They don’t speak ,but still were able to communicate as the staring eyes increases from pairs to many without a single word uttered.

Got into my cubicle, got my laptop on desk , put in the Network cable , logged into office mail n gatlk almost simultaneously . More than 100 virgin mails where residing on my mailbox ,waiting for their BrideGroom. Suddenly I felt surrounded by my team mates and my colleagues as if they have come to Welcome me Back in the graveyard. Before I could make my move they started bombarding me with questions – How was u r vacation? How was u r Diwali? How is everyone back home? Sweets kahan hai? Hey hey !! wait guys… let me breathe …!! Before I could retort, another set of questions were fired. Kab aaye? Flight se aaye ya train se aaye? How is the climate back at home- Cold? Hot? Raining? . I was desperate..wanted to avoid ,ignore these questions…so I turned my attention to the laptop screen. To my dismay !! I was attacked with the same set of question thru world wide web also, PPL sitting on different location was using the messenger to virtually F*** me off. No respite for me , for further 1 hr. Finally they left me, I guess they were satisfied that now I’m one of them. As they left me tattered in pieces, biting me everywhere from body to mind to soul..nothing was left untouched, I looked into their eyes , got a msg “Welcome to The world of UNDEAD”. That’s the way they talk ..thru Eyes..now I have started understanding them.

Oblivious of the effect they had on me, I tried to reconcile ..closed my eyes , their haunting faces, were still there in my memory. I stood up from my seat , walked to the washroom, saw my reflection on the mirror … Could not believe my eyes I was fast turning into one of them. I splashed water on my faces , rubbed the face with hanker chief and got back to my place. My mind started showing me pictures as if it was trying to get back my lost memory.

Very soon I realized everything and my Role. AAH!!! I was one of them before I left for vacation, that long period had energized me, filled me with life , fun , happiness , joy. That’s why I was not able to recognize my friends in office and I felt sorry as I labeled them as Ghost, Daemons and OLD ones. I guess my colleagues didn’t tolerate my indecent behavior and adopted severe means to bring back my “YAD DASH”.

My thought process was interrupted by a signal which diverted my attention to the entrance door, another one enter the office after a long vacation , one of me few hours back, We stood up from our seats, communicating to each other thru eyes and then together we marched towards his cubicle to “Turn him into one of us”.

Fighter........!!!!!

Daylight shutting down, Night marching in leaps , cultivating frustration , suffused with regret, abrading all the sense , not knowing what to do –mind wandering to distant tracts….Finally something from inside..dictated… Wake up!!! Obeying the command ..Dragged the “Body” ..tired from the traffic, tortured by the daily monotonous routine of office, out of the BED clearing all the smoke fumes, opening the room door…. And deciding.. need a break from this haunting contemplation …NEED A DRINK!!!!!.

This is how his day “End” every day, any day , almost each day. This is the ballad of his life where he remember all the bad memories and wipe out all the good memories. Don’t know how long he’ll carry on leaving life like this ..torturing himself , putting himself on rigorous treachery ..where he betray all his dreams, pay no heed to his laziness , uncanny n unrealistic approach towards anything he undertake and in the end messing up everything.

Think, Plan, determination, motivation, attitude everything generated, everything ready for an Execution ..but when the time comes to deliver ..He find himself a big time loser…seems nothing is falling on places.. Putting all the Blame on Luck, Damn it’s averting …dragging him back to the same dump where he has been laying …don’t know since when.

Trying , trying n Trying to pull himself out …trying to reformulate himself from the pieces, which r scattered all over, trying to achieve a form which has a identity . He has never lost hope in himself, trying different tricks to put the Mind n Heart in sync. Struggling each day but still fighting …..with the world, with his treasonous feelings, with his work , with all the demons betwn him n his dreams , with everyone who believes otherwise and bate him down. He knows he will die fighting against all odds and that too fiercely. These will not slow him down in marching towards what he believes in n wat is presently eludes him.

Bravo DUDE!!!..this World don’t need Survivors they need Fighters. The testament of u r success will enchante one n all.

Feeling of having a Mentor(Guru).

Few days back I was having a chat with Hemant ( friend) …the topic of discussion was why we r not focused in life ,what we need from life, why we can’t concentrate on a thing/work, why our mind keeps on travelling in vivid direction and always we have multi dimension things going thru our mind, may be Gals ,Work, Parents ,Friends, Finance, Cricket……and many more things. Then finally we came to the conclusion.. Do we need a Mentor or do we need to see a Psychiatrist . Aaah I guess both of us were going thru the same pain in life….well let’s not restrict this post to only two of us.. I think majority of people also have the same problem…those who don’t , are next to GOD …. The bottom line is Psychiatrist will take our money and would say to us only those things which are pleasing to our ears..and Mentor well they are semi god… to find a good , genuine, sensible mentor is also a TASK in itself just like finding GOD or a gem which u can treasure for the remaining part of u r life.

What is Mentor ????
Let's go back into History.....
“In the eighth century BC, the Greek writer Homer wrote an epic poem describing Odysseus's adventures during his 10-year voyage home after the Trojan War. While he was gone, he entrusted the care and education of his beloved son, Telemachus, to his faithful friend Mentor. Almost three thousand years later that man's name has come to mean a wise and trusted counselor.”

Now........
Mentor is a favorite teacher, parent, a wise and witty master, an insightful frnd, an experienced, seasoned Guide/Fellow colleague/ religious GURU. He could be anyone ranging from u r family , friends, colleagues, relatives. We need a mentor in life basically to achieve success, to foresee the righteous path in life ,following which we could attain happiness, wealth, glory, respect and above all the materialistic things which we desire so much in life.

The fact is that everyone needs a Mentor , I’m no exception in that I also need one. When I joined the new company(IT) I had a mentor, when I was young then Parents where my Mentor…..But now what I have…*confused mind…trying to achieve everything(that everything still is not defined for me) in life and sometimes end up getting nothing. Then I decided why can’t I be a Mentor to myself until I found one.

Then the big question comes... How can one be a Mentor to one self….??????
Anyone can go about in finding the answer to this.. by keeping himself/herself thru a period of observation(Psychiatrist Dialogue ..LOL).
The answer to this question also lies in u … There is a famous saying related to this I have read somewhere it goes like this “The paradox of you is you at your very best”.
I’m also looking for the answer to this question.. I have got a vague picture of this….but once it’s clear will do a post on this.
As if for now few truths(fundas as one may call)which will help u in finding a mentor within u r self… First and foremost count on all your weakness as u r Strong points. Never ever at any phase in u r life question u r decision ..if u start doing that then u will end up under the rubbles and u r life will become HELL. Control u r Emotions be in tune with u r emotions ,understand u r Feelings try to grab what they are telling. These things basically act as a Barometer to u r Heart ,u r Mind, u r Soul. Knowledge it’s the key…try to grasp and learn everything that life teaches u. U r experiences, u r day to day life occurrences are u r best Teachers..Never ignore them try to get everything positive/negative from it… Bollywood says “Life is u r best teacher”.

Well I was thing that there are so many consultant firm for jobs, for investments , for finance, for marriage, for loans…why don’t we have anything like Find Mentor firm . Every day we get a call from some credit card company or any job portal or investment firm that do we need a card, do we need a job, do we need an investment plan..why don’t we have a Mentor firm(where we will get gud mentors..and one can hire mentor from that firm) from where people will call us and ask whether we need a Mentor or not.

* “Confused state of mind - can be said as the nature of creation flowing thru us..never stagnant, always changing, one building to some new creation”

Write what u feel

Feel..Feel…Feeling…and again Feelings which fill the most part of u r life ,mind, the body, the Soul. Every Year Everyday Every Hour Every Minutes Every Second u feel differently …these feelings are overwritten by a set of other feelings and this process continues for Ever. Feelings ?? wat is this? Dictionary meaning goes as this ----Emotional or moral sensitivity (especially in relation to personal principles or dignity).U watch a movie u feel something, u saw a hot gal passing by u instantly has a feeling generated within u ,feeling of frustration, feeling of envy and a feeling that the Guy with him is her brother…ho ho…and lots of other felling…Feeling when the manager comes to u r desk..feeling of being lost in the vast world of IT industry and many more of those which are specific to respective person. Feeling cannot be generalized. It’s an output generated by the BRAIN taking inputs from different part of u r bodies.

Feelings u have for someone/something any kind negative/positive/neutral. Feeling has no domain or range .Anything to Everything happening in life generates a feeling.. Some feelings surpasses without getting any kind of notice from u and Some stays there to haunt u or to tingle u with pleasure…
Don’t put Feeling n Thought on the same plate as Thoughts are generated from Feeling. Both a part of a certain hierarchy which are certainly defined by us.

Writing about your feelings improves immune system.

"Pen and paper may be a powerful medical treatment. In a new study by Harvard University cancer patients who wrote about their feelings for 30 minutes a day experienced improvements in immune-system function and reported fewer symptoms. Journaling quells stress and helps increase coping mechanisms, say the researchers. "

FEELINGS is what keep everyone together. Why then in today's world do we deny our feelings. Is it because it is considered 'ultra-cool' to hide them? I see people around me with deadpan faces carrying their laptops, emotionless going about their daily chores either frustrated by the work or Bangalore traffic...So guys love u r feelings…Never try to hide them ,don’t be a traitor to them and write it down ,if not for others than for u r self at least.. That will ease u r pain of surviving in this world.